Pepe Herrera biglang nagpaalam sa ‘YFSF’: I had a mental breakdown

Trigger Warning: Mentions of depression, anxiety, panic attacks

NAGDESISYON nang mamaalam ang aktor na si Pepe Herrera bilang isa sa celebrity contestants ng reality talent competition  na"Your Face Sounds Familiar" ng ABS-CBN.

Ito'y dahil sa pinagdaraanan niyang mental health issues na matagal na rin niyang nilalabanan pero ngayon lang daw niya naunawaan ang lalim ng kanyang hugot sa buhay nang makipagkita sa isang psychotherapist.

Sa episode ng "YFSF" kahapon, November 15, in-announce ng mga host ng programa na sina Vhong Navarro at Jhong Hilario na hindi na magpapatuloy sa laban si Pepe "due to health concerns."

Hindi na nagdetalye pa sina Vhong at Jhong tungkol sa pinagdaraanan ni Pepe pero may inilabas na video sa Facebook page ng "YFSF" kung saan ipinaliwanag ng komedyante ang estado ng kanyang mental health.

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Ayon kay Pepe, hanggang ngayon ay patuloy siyang nakararanas ng depression at anxiety, na nagsimula raw noong 13-anyos pa lamang siya.

Nakahanap daw siya ng "escape mechanisms" tulad ng pagpapatawa sa mga tao at ang pagiging masayin kapag nasa labas ng bahay at nakikisalamuha sa ibang tao.

Pero nalaman daw niya mula sa mga eksperto na habang patuloy ang pagtakbo niya sa sariling emosyon ay nagkakaroon ito ngymasamang epekto sa kanyang katawan.

"Hello everyone. I wrote a love letter for all of you and thank you for giving me the space to share because this is very important for me," simulang mensahe ni Pepe.  

"I haven't been well for decades. After my session with my psychotherapist the other day, I realized I have been struggling with depression and anxiety attacks alternately since I was 13 years old. 

"I managed to survive because I have developed the ability to escape with the help of band-aid solutions. I was sweeping everything under a rug, not dealing with traumatic experiences I am afraid to face, putting a mask on, making people laugh, and all this time I did not know that the body is keeping score. 

"All this pretending and escaping apparently is taking a toll on my body," saad ng aktor.

Madalas daw siyang magkaroon ng panic attack sa gabi na siyang dahilan kaya hindi siya makatulog bukod pa sa paninikip ng dibdib dahil naman sa paulit-ulit na puyat at tensyon.

"Recently, I have been experiencing panic attacks in the evening preventing me from sleeping. Either I will be able to sleep only when the sun is shining or I won't be able to sleep at all. 

"The combination of insomnia and anxiety is making my body experience regular tremors and numbness in different parts of my body. Chest pains and headaches are worsening. And there are times when my thoughts are becoming darker and darker. I feel like I'm drowning. 

"A few days ago, I experienced a turning point. I had a mental breakdown and went through a panic attack because of something I felt on my chest.

"It was not just heavy. It felt like something was squeezing my lungs violently. I panicked because I thought I was dying. I was terrified. 

"I moved around outside the house while walking barefoot on the grass, praying, begging, talking to my body and to God to make the pain stop. Eventually, it stopped," pahayag pa niya.

Kasunod nito, nagbitiw si Pepe ng pangako sa sarili, "Feeling exhausted, I made the promise to my body that I will never abuse it again by escaping. I had a long conversation with my wife that led to a moment of clarity. 

"I made a decision to finally focus and commit to getting treatment while taking an indefinite leave from work. As a breadwinner, this was a very difficult decision for me. I became good in pretending because I need to provide for my family. But my wife and I agree that these needs to be done.

"I'm swallowing my pride by getting a loan to put food on the table because focusing on treatment means not having income for months. But it is what it is. Better do this now before the condition becomes chronic. I need to do this for my wife and kids also," sabi pa ng komedyante.

Bumalik na rin daw siya sa regular sessions ng kanyang psychotherapy, "I just have to commit now on receiving them and learning from them."

"In a nutshell, after more than three decades of trying to be a people pleaser, I decided to choose myself and my healing. My wife is supportive because, as she mentioned, you cannot pour from an empty cup or picture," sey ng aktor.

Pagpapatuloy pa niya, "To my 'Your Face Sounds Familiar' family, I'm sorry if I have to leave. I'm sharing this unfiltered information because you deserve the whole truth. I'm grateful for the family we have created even for just a short time.

"You also deserve my complete honesty. I can be the Pepe who can get tired of being a clown and I can be the Pepe who can be very serious and from now on you will see the most sincere and truthful version of me. That's a promise.

"For those who are also struggling, I hope you get the help you need and the healing that you deserve. I hope you rediscover the courage to work on that for yourself and your family. Please don't forget that you're never alone," paalala pa ni Pepe sa publiko.

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If you or someone you know is struggling with mental health, you can reach out to the NCMH Crisis Hotline at 1553 (for landline users), or through their mobile numbers 0917-899-8727 and 0919-057-1553.

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